IT 012: What You Need to Know Right Now About Being In A Long-Term Relationship
In honor of Valentine’s Day (& to take advantage of the yummy love energy in the Universe right now), I have a special treat for you! If you’re married or in a long-term relationship, you'll love the wisdom in today's post. Not attached? Today's Podcast will help you know what to do when you meet The One!
Whether or not you’re attached or single, today’s episode drops some wisdom on how to re-connect with your sexy side.
Esther Perel’s book, Mating in Captivity, should be required reading.
It’s my absolute favorite book on exploring what it means to be a woman in a long-term relationship, and why cultivating a “secret garden” – a physical, emotional, and intellectual space only for you – is essential for creating a playful, exciting and sexy long-term relationship.
She says, CLICK TO TWEET: "Not everything needs to be revealed… Love enjoys knowing everything about you. Desire needs mystery.”
When I read this book, I was looking to re-ignite the fire into my relationship. After a decade of knowing each other, my relationship with my husband was in serious need of some sizzle.
So, while I pride myself on being an independent, conscious and purpose-driven woman, when it comes to relationships… I tend to throw myself all in and love to divulge it all.
Mystery is the Most Important Ingredient For Desire
But Esther Perel says that the mystery is what keeps desire alive. It’s the excitement of not knowing, the playful dance of what-if’s and maybe’s, and the alluring call of not really knowing the other person yet.
It’s not safe.
But as we move on, we naturally seek to become safer in our relationships. We tell our secrets, we learn theirs, and after time, there is no more mystery.
Intimacy and Love Demands Safety and Security
You know your hubby’s clothes – you fold his laundry. He knows all of your lingerie – you share the same luggage when traveling. You know his habits, he knows yours.
You get comfortable.
And I LOVE comfortable. Or so I thought.
The thing is, I also love feeling sexy, wanted, desired.
And Esther Perel says that these human desires - the need to feel safe and connected, and the need for excitement and independence - conflict, especially when it comes to the area of love in the modern day.
I’m definitely still learning in this area of my life, but I’d like to share some tips on what I’ve uncovered so far, and what’s worked for me. If this resonates with you, take action now with my 4 tips.
Homework For a Sexier Valentine’s Day & Love Life (You Wanna Do This Assignment!)
Buy Esther Perel’s book, Mating in Captivity, and read it ASAP. You still have time to make this Valentine’s Day super sexy for you and your long-term love.
Heed the advice of this this super accurate quote I found on Pinterest: A man is like a cat – chase him and he will run. Sit still and ignore him, and he’ll come purring at your feet.
Start to cultivate your own secret garden by discovering the feminine in you. What I mean by that, is discover what lights you up creatively. What makes you feel sexy, playful and alive as a woman? What makes you channel your inner Beyonce? What do you do that turns you on? Remember, these answers are for you only – don’t share them!
Look into your past and consider the role of women in your family when you were growing up. What was it like for you to be a woman in your family? What did that mean? What did your mom, grandma, and aunts do to embrace their femininity, if anything? How is that showing up for you today, and is it stopping you from feeling your sexiest?
Alright, that’s all for today, my sexy, intuitive loves! Enjoy your Valentine’s Day, and I’ll see you next, next Tuesday for the next episode of Intuitive Tuesday.