IT 050: How To Deal With Contradictions In The Self-Help Space

Transcript available below

Welcome gorgeous and radiant woman, it’s Mona Lisa Ondevilla and it’s Intuitive Tuesday, the radio show helping intuitives, introverts and empaths manifest the conscious and abundant life and business that they desire.

Today, I want to point out the HUGE contradictions that exist in the personal development/self-help space that used to make me feel terrible about myself, which made me doubt my capability to be a good coach and entrepreneur.

My goal in doing this is to help you see that there’s no right way to do things in life and business, so that you can feel empowered to figure out YOUR OWN unique way of being in the world, and to help you release the shame that can come with doing/thinking things that are non-PC.

For example…

Today, I have a low threshold for gossip, complaining, victim mentality.

I’ll give you an example. Yesterday, I was standing in line at Costco waiting to try an acai smoothie, and a woman walks up and loudly starts commiserating with the sample lady about something that I don’t remember the context of, but the energy was “complain, complain, complain, yeah life is miserable, don’t we all know it, that’s just how it is, low-vibe, low-energy, blah blah…”

So, I wandered away to the frozen fruits section and left Michaelangelo – who thankfully can just ignore people – to grab me a smoothie.

This illustrates the first HUGE contradiction I want to point out...

"Have proper boundaries in place, but love and accept everyone."

That last part used to realllly get me.

I used to JUDGE MYSELF SO HARSHLY if I didn’t glue myself to the floor whenever low-energy people came around. I would stick it out and shame myself for having judgemental thoughts like– “seriously, your lame-ass martyr story is super boring and isn’t fooling anyone. You’re zero percent committed to taking responsibility for your circumstances, aren’t willing to change anything, love complaining, and wtf are you even wearing, it’s fugly and ruining my high-vibes of being surrounded by beauty. Get me out of here! Wait, MONA LISA, be nice… ”

If I broke this down to the archetypes that I know I have within me, it would be The Mean Girl Vs. The Doormat/Little Miss Perfect

Today, I don’t even have this internal war happen because the second I sense complaining/boring ass vibes, I am OUT.

But it took me awhile to get there because… love and accept everyone, right?

The truth is, you can love and accept everyone and not want to be anywhere near them. We all have our soul’s journey, and I honor that – and now, I also honor my feeling of not wanting to be in the same room as you. Spiritual, right, wrong? I don’t know – but it feels GOOD to me.

Ultimately, you have to do you and what feels good for you (and what feels good for me might not necessarily be what feels good for you!!).

More contradictions …


  • Get crystal clear on what you want to manifest, but detach from the outcome

  • Dream big, but be happy, grateful and content with what you have today

  • Be YOURSELF, but follow my step-by-step solution to succeed in X (life/business/health/wealth)

And I point these out not because I’m making fun of them, in fact, I’ve SAID almost everything of the above myself!!

At different points in your life, all of the above could be true for you.

It gets confusing when we think we’re supposed to be a certain way all the time, and we become vigilant and all-or-nothing about that way of being. We practice so much self-care that we take ZERO action in our business, or we take completely dis-aligned action because we’ve neglected our self-care. Or we’re super kind and accommodating to everyone, including energy vampires, then go home and immediately numb out with Netflix.

The ONLY way out is to tune into your intuition so powerfully, so fiercely, and on a regular basis that you can navigate what’s true for you in any self-help rule (and take what applies to you).

All of the information out there WILL contradict itself, and if you spend your time trying to collect and make sense of everything, your job will never end.

"Your job as a feminine, smart, and intuitive woman is to find out what’s true for you in that MOMENT and in that situation."

Your job as a feminine, smart, and intuitive woman is to find out what’s true for you in that MOMENT and in that situation (because it can change next week, next month, or next year, then change again, and that’s OK).

Now, I want to leave you with 3 questions to ask yourself so that you can digest and implement the information I shared today.

Write down or think about your answer to the following 3 questions:

  1. What is ONE area in my life or business where I play out an internal tug-of-war based on a contradiction of 2 values I believe in?

  2. What beliefs do I have that subconsciously allow this cycle to keep on going?

  3. What new belief will guide me to re-write this association in a way that feels GOOD?

I’ll give you an example.

  1. Be nice to others and love and accept everyone vs. Set proper boundaries

  2. Setting boundaries makes me a bitch. Setting boundaries means I don’t love and accept others.

  3. New belief: Setting boundaries allows me to show up fully, energetically, and in LOVE in my marriage, friendships and business

When you have that new belief, REFER TO IT OFTEN, especially when you are in situations that trigger this contradiction within you.

Now, I would love to HEAR YOUR TOP CONTRADICTION IN MY FACEBOOK GROUP at Your shared contradiction and journey can DRASTICALLY change the perspective of another woman in the group, so get out that and share share share!

ALRIGHT LADIES, I hope that this has served you and I’ll see you next time on the next episode of Intuitive Tuesday!!