IT 034: The Letter I Wrote To You At 4am The Night After I Quit My Job
Today, I’m sharing with you a letter I to myself… before I had anything I have today. When coaching and having my own full time coaching business was just a figment of my imagination.
I wrote this letter/journal entry when everything I have today - my mentors, my business, my travel plans, my lifestyle, my home - was nothing more than a prayer, my deep visualization.
I wrote this letter to myself the night after I left my 9-5 about a year and a half ago. I kept it all this time because I knew that one day, I’d be ready to share it and that one day, it would help someone in the same position I was in.
It’s personal, raw, filled with terror, fear, excitement.
Most of all, it's filled with faith.
I’m excited to share it with you – finally – today, because I know that there are many of you who could use a little bit of inspiration and faith. Things can change, really, really fast once you’re ready.
I want you to pay particular attention to the type of language I’m using at this point in my life, tune into my energy. I’m on the brink of so much at this time, and shortly after I wrote this, I had my first $10k month. A few months after that, I moved to my dream city of San Diego.
Here it is, unaltered and unformatted...
"Im writing this the night after I left my comfort zone in my 9-5. I was making decent income, worked with a team of women who I loved, and could have been happy there if I wanted. But for whatever reason that was beyond me, I started feeling miserable there. Like there was something more, something else that needed to happen. The signs? I started to feel like one of the walking dead. I wasn’t taking care of my body. My home. My relationship. Everything except my comfort zone was slowly losing its spark. I was losing my motivation in all areas of life – my desire was there, but I didn’t have enough energy because my comfort zone was ironically, draining me. But even so… I could have chose to be happy there. Everything is a choice, and I was choosing to sabotage myself while I stayed in this job. Its because a huge part of me knew that I was meant for something more. I didn’t feel sexy, I was showing up for my relationships, friendships, family. I knew that in leaving, id be able to show up for myself and everyone else on a level that I was now capable of (that I wasn’t prior to starting this job).
The decision to leave was pure agony as well. It had built up to a point where I couldn’t not leave, but I didn’t wanna push that button yet either. But I knew if I didn’t, that decision was something that would bother me forever. Im not really good at staying in situations I know don’t work – the second I know its not for me, I move on. It was hard in this situation because my coworkers felt like family, they had become my friends. It was one of the most difficult things iv ever had to do in my adult life. you know what i did realize though, at 3:30 am? that i could be a MUCH better friend from the place i am in now, than i could have ever been in my zombie like state in my comfort zone. i can show up.
After I drove home from work on my last day, I started bawling, crying. The truth was finally hitting me, and my emotions were catching up (it was almost like I couldn’t feel my emotions during the day because it was so tough). I sat on the floor of my empty apartment (because for some miraculous reason, the universe aligned it so that the next day would be the last day in our apt as well).
And then, after sobbing, I stopped. And proceeded to order a ton of comfort food to… well, comfort me (thai food in my case).
I went to sleep early.
Now im awake, at 4 am, writing this. Cause it helps me process. And I know it will help someone else one day, since this is so fresh and raw for me right now.
I realized when I woke up that this is a sacrifice ive made. My choices have been a huge sacrifice, for the life and future that I want. I sacrifice a lot – travel, events, eating out, shopping, doing stuff with my hubby, ive now sacrificed the comfort of a 9-5 and the paycheck and friendships that I formed there. And I wasn’t doing it consciously before, so it felt like… well, who am I to ask for something amazing in my life.
Well you know, I realized… who am I not to? I have given everything, absolutely everything up at this point to follow my path.
To trust in the universes plan for me.
On the surface, it might look like I have nothing right now. This is a supreme illusion, because for the first time ever, I have absolutely everything I need to co-create the life ive dreamed of, practically. I have a strong relationship with my hubby and so much love there, and a commitment to myself and my wellness. To money and financial freedom. Time freedom. I am ready to rock and roll, universe.
Let’s. Do. This.
Let's play. Let's create. Let's make tons of money.
I want insurance. Healthcare. A happy and luxurious home that's ours. a growing family. a kick ass career. lots of travel. nice clothes. lots of events. lots of chill time. to be able to get my eyelashes done and always look amazing hipline. money in the bank. nice cars. the Philippines. a fireplace. luxury travel. luxury linen. soft, fluffy towels. a nanny. a chef. an assistant. to glow. to lead. to love. a thriving business. to feel and look like a million dollars. a legend. wealth. a sexy and fulfilling and loving marriage. a happy husband. however that can happen. you take care of the how and work through me. i will show up. i am here."
So that’s it gorgeous ones – that was my letter.
Can you see yourself in it? Are you where I was? Then I’m so excited for you. I’d love to hear your reaction in the blog post comments below, or in my inbox (send me an email to email@example.com).